Let’s talk about body confidence
When I was getting married my husband and I both felt enormous pressure to look perfect. There came a time our anxiety was so bad (and we were so hungry) we ended up arguing a lot about what to eat and how and when. That was when I decided it was time to ditch the diet and focus on building our self confidence instead!
I still struggled at times with my self image but I found some tricks to help. As a wedding planner and someone who has been through this myself I am going to lay some truth on you that will hopefully help you ditch the diet and embrace your you-ness.
Let me start by saying you are enough! This seems like a simple sentence but honestly it’s something that’s easy to forget, especially in the run up to your wedding. You are a magical person made from stardust and your partner wants to spend their eternity on this earth with you! So, now we have established that you are a fantastic person who is worthy of love we can address why reminding yourself of these facts is very important.
The diet culture surrounding the wedding industry is not there to help you. It is there to attack your self-esteem and make you think you need to buy diet teas that will make you shit yourself until you have shifted a few pounds. You do NOT need to change for your wedding. You are perfect as you are. Fill your Instagram feed with amazing body positive accounts so the images your feeding your brain are positive! Read rock and roll bride, badass brides, wayout wedding because in the words of Funkadelic:
“Be careful of the thought- seeds you plant in the garden of your mind, for seeds grow after their kind.”
When I was shopping for my wedding dress I said to my grandmother “sample sizes are a size 12” and she said “oh of course as you wouldn’t want to be bigger than a size 12”. I sat there in my size 16 clothes feeling like shit. Luckily I’ve got a VERY accepting mum who kept my grandmother and her hurtful comments away from me for the rest of the weddin. Try and find a muma, a friend, an aunt, your fiancé, an internet buddy and let them compliment you, if you can add a team of strength within your bridal party to build a wall between you and any toxic family members that’s even better. I also found that by putting into perspective WHO I am (independent of my body) and saying some daily mantras really helped.
Literally look at your amazing face and body in the mirror and tell yourself some real sexy shit. Mine were:
“You are enough, you are beautiful, your body is amazing, you are loved, your boobs are great, you can handle this.”
Please don’t be fooled or upset by the new “healthy is the new skinny” rubbish either as it is just another way to hurt your confidence. You are still enough and a wonderful human even if you are not healthy! Your job on this Earth is not to be “pretty” or “well” this is an unfair standard.
Beware of people saying things like this “But you want to look back at those photos and think you looked so young and slim and beautiful.” Well actually wouldn’t you rather look back and think about how happy, in love and full of joy you were. Why would you want to look back wistfully about how much more attractive you were? I think this attitude to wedding photos really showcases how our society has taught us to think negatively of woman who dare to age or be fat or become unwell.
Here’s a piccy of me on the best day of my life.
Your worth is not measured by pounds, inches or what your body can offer others it is measured by the strength of your character, how you walk through the fire, how you treat others, your laugh, your lovely way with children, how all animals like you, how cool you are in tricky situations and a thousand other beautiful qualities.
If others aren’t comfortable with your appearance, you don’t have to make yourself smaller or sweeter or prettier on your wedding day. If you’re a complete badass you don’t have to wear a boho gown. Honestly those people who can’t get on board with who you are can go fuck themselves.
Whatever your relationship with food in the run up to your wedding you can ALWAYS add more body confidence!
Whilst I was prepping for my wedding I found some amazing sources which helped me to stay body positive and prepared for the bullshit comments in bridal shops (oh how I loved being shoved into those size 12 white dresses with a big panel basically pinned to my back fat whilst the shop girl tutted).
Although I have focused on my experience of being a plus sized bride, the below sources could help you feel better about whatever might be worrying you about your appearance in the judgemental world of weddings.
Virgie Tovar- Hot & Heavy: Fierce Fat Girls on Life, Love & Fashion
Jes baker- Things no one tells fat girls
Naomi Wolfe- The beauty myth
Megan Jayne Crabbe/@bodyposipanda
Tess Daly/ @Tess.daly
Steph Aiello/ @uwalk_iglide
Celia Dalmatita/ @celia_dalmatita
For more Instagram body positive accounts to follow check out @clear_hearts_planning
Would love to hear any thoughts on my first blog post and if you’ve got any more awesome support ideas/ sources you love.